Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans
 
'1'
 Blaming your farts on me...
 not funny... not funny at all!
 
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 '2'
 Yelling at me for barking.
 I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
 
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 '3'
 Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.
 Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

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 '4'
 Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
 
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 '5'
 Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
 Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
 
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 '6'
 The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
 You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
 
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 '7'
 Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
 
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 '8'
 Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
 
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 '9'
 Dog sweaters. Hello-oo?
 Haven't you noticed the fur?
 
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 '10'
 How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
 Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.
 
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 Now lay off me on some of these things.
 We both know who's boss here!
 You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
 
 EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY.
 A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
 CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!