1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life ...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) -  That you're not here to ruin it for me.
 
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) -  Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
 
5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) -  Someone other than you.
 
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) -  Almost lifelike!
 
7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) -  Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
 
8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) -  What do you say we stop?
 
9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) -  It's almost like you're still here.
 
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(Inside card) -  Did you ever find out who the father was?
 
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) -  I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
 
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your Birthday...
(Inside card) -  So we're having you put to sleep.
 
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!...
(inside card) -  Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas and Kentucky

 14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) -  What was I thinking?
 
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) -  Too bad no one likes your husband.