CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud  Officer.
 
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18  month period when the  kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
  
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
  
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
  
STOCK  ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
  
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
  
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
  
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
  
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. 

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR --  Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.